Maintaining Yourself and Your Practice Through Personal Trauma
Edward N. Levitt*
“As we build our fortunes, skills and reputations, we lawyers have a terrible habit of ignoring our health, working to exhaustion and denying our needs and the needs of those close to us.” E. N. Levitt
August 30, 1995 was hot and sunny. I was aglow with good health, a thriving practice, and a wonderful family. By midnight my world was shattered. My beautiful 18 year daughter, Stacey, was struck and killed that night by a car. What followed was a rapid descent into excruciating pain, self-doubt, depression and thoughts of suicide.
I wondered how I would survive, let alone continue to practice law. It did not take long for me to realize that suicide was not an option; how could I leave my other daughters, Marni and Jacqueline and my wife Cheryl to cope with yet another loss? With the love and support of my amazing friends and family, I began the very long road to rebuilding my personal life.
Returning to the office a mere week after the accident was more about needing to feel human than about trying to provide legal services to my clients. Gradually, over time, with the understanding and support of my firm and professional help, I was able to regain my professional equilibrium. As I emerged from the depths of despair, I began to see, with brilliant clarity, how much our culture denies death and pain and clings to myths about human suffering and human need.
I found much solace in helping others through their bereavements and grew as a person in the process. I learned from my own experience and theirs about the enormous obstacles facing the traumatized in our world. These obstacles are particularly daunting for traumatized lawyers, in part because we feel we must, as advisors, present a strong and unblemished image to our clients and colleagues and in part because we believe that we can solve any problem on our own. Asking for help seems to be the hardest thing of all.
The problems, of course, are not just those of the lawyer experiencing the trauma. The well-being of the rest of the firm and the clients are also at risk at such a time. Add to those problems the moral dilemmas that present themselves – Can he handle the files safely? How long should we support him? Can I trust him with my legal work? – and you get a particularly challenging environment for everyone.
For the one experiencing trauma, the first and most important thing to do is ask for help. Often that requires an enormous amount of soul searching and the strength to admit to ourselves and the world that we may not, at the time, be as strong as we thought we were. How much stronger you become after you get the support you need!
Knowing your limits and working within them during the period of trauma is also important, not only for the sake of the clients and firm, but for your own healing process. Nothing sets you back more, during trying times, than taking on too complex tasks or too heavy a workload. At the same time, completely severing yourself from professional work, unless it is clearly necessary, may complicate your return to full practice. Choosing a wise balance is so important.
As we build our fortunes, skills and reputations, we lawyers have a terrible habit of ignoring our health, working to exhaustion and denying our needs and the needs of those close to us. These are lifestyles we can ill afford during a time of trauma. More than ever, we must be vigilant about our health, both mental and physical, and take time for ourselves.
For the colleagues of a lawyer experiencing personal trauma, I have the following advice to share:
- Convey, in no uncertain terms, the unequivocal support that the firm will give to the lawyer who is experiencing trauma.
- Assign the best person in the firm to mentor the lawyer through the trauma. This might be another lawyer who has had a similar experience or simply the person who has the best “people” skills for such a task.
- Educate everyone in the firm about the origins of the trauma. The truths about addiction, mental illness and bereavement and their consequences are often at odds with common beliefs.
- Do not be afraid to engage the lawyer and do not deny their pain and the reality of their “new world”.
- Consider wisely the value of the lawyer before the trauma and what it might mean to them and the firm if they can be helped back to full health.
- Be firm but fair about all productivity and remuneration issues. It is easier to cope with clear goals and objectives than to wonder about your livelihood while you are struggling with trauma.
I personally have seen, time and time again, that individuals can grow stronger and wiser from the challenges in their lives, even the traumatic ones or maybe especially the traumatic ones. I did! Among the many gifts Stacey left me as she left this world is the knowledge that I heal myself when I help others.
The above comments are from an address by Edward (Ned) N. Levitt presented at the Ontario Bar Association Annual Institute, 2005.
* Edward N. Levitt is a partner in the firm Levitt, Hoffman and practices franchise law in Toronto. He is also actively involved in Bereaved Families of Ontario—a volunteer organization that helps parents with the grief following the loss a child. This address was part of the Ontario Bar Assistance Program Breakfast Session on Friday Feb. 4. No one can present this message better than he can, so the following is the full text of Ned’s presentation. OBAP is grateful for his participation and willingness to share his experience for the benefit of others.