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John Starzynski*

I am reading a book called Advanced Law Firm Mismanagement by Arnold Kanter, 1993, Catbird Press, North Haven, CT. The senior partner in the fictitious law firm of Fairweather, Winters & Sommers is one Stanley J. Fairweather. He is in his 80’s and has practiced law his whole life. He has been asked by those junior to him to write down his thoughts, reminiscences and advice.

Stanley writes about his brief marriage at page 69:

“After I graduated, we decided to have a child. Harriet decided really. I did not oppose it, though I had no idea in the world what having a child meant.

We had the child, Juliete. Juliete was Harriet’s child. I had the law which consumed almost all of my waking hours; Harriet had Juliete. We had a deal: Harriet didn’t write my briefs, and I didn’t change Juliete’s. Oh, on a sunny weekend afternoon we would walk Juliete through the park in her pram, together. And I smiled and shared willingly in the compliments that admiring passersby offered. (She did look a lot like me, but fortunately outgrew it in time.) But I did not participate. I had the law; Harriet had Juliete. As we did at our first square dance, Harriet and I do-si-doed through these first years together, our backs to one another.”

I do not know any 80+ year old Stanleys who practice law in the province of Ontario. I know people who are generally balanced and happy with life. The extremity of the portrayal, however, acts as a warning that, without some balance personally and professionally, Stanley may lurk to some extent in your future.

I have three tips to consider to avoid the Stanley Syndrome.

1. Figure out what your priorities are. I speak to many people who tell me that their families are the most important thing in their lives. But when we look at the appointment book black and blue with meetings, telephone numbers and scribbles, a bigger picture emerges. Add volunteer work a few nights a week, obligations for care of elderly parents, invitations to client’s events, continuing education commitments and there is not much left for the most important thing in your life.

It is easy to say, but fitting work around your family instead of your family around work can be done. Oh, there must be room for things that come up but, generally, prioritizing can make this happen.

It has been said that, on our deathbeds, we will regret the things we did not do like spend time with family, than remember the things we did like work many hours. My wife assures me that she knows every event of my children’s that I missed like soccer games, plays and speeches, but she cannot remember one client I had that took that time away.

2. Live in the moment and be in touch with your feelings. Feelings are tough for lawyers to recognize and enjoy or be uncomfortable with. In his book, The Soul of the Law by Benjamin Sells, 1994, Element Books, London, there is an examination of the socialization of law students that carry through to practice and personal lives.

For example, in first year criminal law, the crime of rape or assault may be discussed. The discussion will go through what the state is, what the rights of private individuals are, what rights of the state are for the general good, what is a crime, elements of the offence and defences. What is never discussed? The victim. The people in the crime are depersonalized. This becomes an academic exercise rather than human drama.

Intellectualizing criminal, corporate, matrimonial and any other kind of behavior that a lawyer will deal with distances the lawyer from his/her feelings. This is a defence mechanism from the pressures of representing a client, not being the judge of the facts and coping with some horrid and emotionally-charged situations.

My tips are pretty simple really. Slow down. Let the sunshine wash your face. Enjoy your victories. Mourn your losses. Hug those you love often. Love yourself. Don’t take it personally.

In such a high-pressured profession as law, there is lots of room for humanity.

3. Take a vacation – Many of us are overworked and overtired. The piles of files get larger every day. The phone calls pile up. The emails scream for attention. And that darn FAX machine gives your clients and other lawyers another way to get in touch with you.

How can you afford to take time off? How can you not?

Working tired under pressure increases your chances of slipping up. Not on purpose but just because there is too much to think about to prioritize time and work.

Here is a suggestion. Blitz to get things under control by dictation, delegation or referral of work to someone else. Get someone to cover in case of an emergency. Then, go away for two weeks without a briefcase, cell phone, forwarding number or any way to be reached. Expect that the first three or four days will be unwinding days as your body and mind adjust to the shock of living without a constant flow of adrenaline. Do something that you have always wanted to do – golf every day, biking with your spouse, junk reading – whatever will get you back in touch with you. And your family.

Think about life. It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be a deep or a cathartic experience. Just think of who you are and whether you like you. If not, what do you need to do to recapture yourself without throwing out the baby with the bathwater? Watch a sunset and think of how lucky you are to be alive and not in the office reading tomorrow’s motion record. Breathe deeply and enjoy being alive.

Life is not supposed to be hard. Slowing down to decide whether you are walking, running or dancing will be time well spent.

Balance is achievable. It is not the elusive brass ring. It is well within your grasp!

* John Starzynski is the Volunteer Executive Director of the Ontario Bar Assistance Program which helps lawyers, judges and law students with issues of stress, burnout, addictions and mental wellness issues. He can be reached at 1-877-584-6227. The Program Manager, Leota Embleton, can be reached at 1-877-576-6227.